Signs

I am not religious. I attended a few Church services growing up, but that was it. I do remember being jealous of my Catholic girlfriends, because they got to wear a lovely dress and get presents for their First Communion!

But now I feel a longing in a different sense. I sometimes wish I did believe in God, or in something. It would make waiting a whole lot easier. My rational mind won't really let me, but I have found my own style of faith.

I believe in signs. Little things that happen throughout my day, things that I see, hear or feel. I make wishes at 11:11. I make wishes to the first star of the night. I make wishes when one of my eyelashes falls out. I wear a wishbone necklace that my sister also has, because she is my lucky charm. All of this helps me cope and raises my spirits.

And I found a sign for our little one. When we started thinking about how we would decorate the bedroom, we decided to do a woodland theme, as we both love nature and the peace it gives us. I started researching ideas and stumbled on murals which included woodland animals. Owls, bears, deer and foxes! And I love foxes!

To this day, I still feel a sense of wonder every time I see a fox on the streets, despite having lived in this country for over eight years now. And now, I have come to associate our little one with a baby fox. Perhaps it's that same sense of wonder and joy?

Last night, on my way home, there was a fox standing in the grass by the side of the road and I stopped. He stopped. And we looked at each other for the longest time. It was magical.

I choose to believe that seeing that fox is a sign that this little girl is meant for us, that despite having to wait and jump through hoops and it all being very scary, that things will be ok.

And I may sound a bit kooky or crazy, but I believe humans absolutely need faith, especially in times of hardship, whichever form it may take. My faith is in the shape of a baby fox.