Adoption

Don't worry, dear reader, adoption fears still feature in my life. They are real and present, but actually, thanks to everything else I have faced in the past two years, they are smaller. And because of everything that has happened, it's not my biggest worry (all the time) and that is a very healthy place to be, for all of us. In all reality, our amazing daughter is what kept me going. I had to get up in the morning and care for her, be there for her. Even though when we were in the eye of the storm I yearned to have less responsibility, I do fear what wouldn't have happened if I didn't have motherhood as a tether to reality. What would've happened to me, what would've happened to my relationship?

With our daughter, the fears always have an adoption-flavoured twinge to them, but mostly they feel like typical parenting fears and anxieties.

And by and large, with her, it's not fear I feel - it's love, amazement and joy. (Along with frustration, anger and exasperation of course!) But she is an incredible girl, with empathy and emotional understanding way beyond her years, a very cheeky sense of humour and a wonderful mix of bravery and cautiousness. She makes me smile every day, even on the more....dramatic days. As she embarks on a new chapter, I look forward to learning from her cool extrovertedness and confidence. This girl is going to be just fine and so is her Mommy.