The evolution of worries

During the adoption process, I have experienced a different set of worries at every stage. The reasons for these grow heavier as time passes, but during each moment, they always feel so huge, so crucial, no matter how small they seem in hindsight

There is one thing that doesn't change, though, not one moment, the biggest worry of them all: "Will we be parents?" This worry never goes away.

The worries start at the very beginning. As part of the registration of interest form, you have to attach a recent photo. What photo to choose? Formal or informal? Indoors or outdoors? Faces or full body? What if they don't like it? What if we are not what they are looking for? You agonise over this decision. Finally, you choose one and send it off. Registration of interest accepted! And that worry about the photo completely evaporates. How silly, it couldn't have had that much weight in any decision they take. But of course, it doesn't feel like that before. Every worry is real and it is valid.

Now comes the paperwork, all the bureaucratic things plus filling out a 50-page document with questions about yourself. There are so many worries during this stage. Will my background check come back on time? What if they find some strange disease during my medical assessment? What if they don't like the answer I wrote and kick us out of the process? And let's not forget the teeny tiny worries throughout: what sort of postage should I use, if I send it "signed for," what if there isn't anyone to sign and they don't get it? This may all sound like paranoia, but I believe it's a very human response. A response to not being in control and thus overthinking whatever we do have control over.

Once all this part is done and dusted and you get the official invitation to proceed to the next stage, again, the worries you had before vanish. Poof. As if they never existed! You question your sanity a little bit. Why was I so worried? Now comes the real challenge: the assessment stage. The stage where you will be scrutinised inside out, for weeks on end. The list of worries gets pretty crazy here! What if I say something they don't approve of? What if my views on something are "wrong"? What if my partner says something he/she "shouldn't"? What if our home is not good enough? The list of "what ifs" is absolutely endless during this stage.

I haven't reached the stage where the assessment process worries have evaporated. Panel is in two days. After this, I will worry one more week until ratification. And then, fingers crossed, I will leave these worries behind.

But what will come? First, the enormous worries about the linking/matching process, which are in a whole different league.

But then, what will come are the biggest worries I will ever face: the worries of being a parent. Worries so big and important that the adoption process will seem like nothing. Am I ready for it? Absolutely not! But that's ok, because I will be busy enough worrying about panel and ratification and linking and matching before. I can worry about worrying about the bigger worries afterwards.